Construction and Life

This blog is a bit personal, however I promise that it has a point to it at the end. All my life
I have listened to people. I have let people define who I am, what I say, what I believe and even what I eat. I have never been able to think for myself or even do what I wanted to do. Now, that I am an adult, I am left in the world to fend for myself and continue on with my life, but it is so hard because I was never given the opportunity to live my own life.  For example, I was always instructed to stay thin. Always instructed that to be skinny is to be beautiful and because I was taught this I am at war with myself.  As an adult, a part of me wants to say Forget you world I am going to eat anything I want and be happy. But the other side of me feels disgusted and depressed when I gain weight. I want to be happy, I want to live life according to my rules, morals, and values, but it is hard because of the reality that was constructed for me. When it comes to my weight and other things I feel like I really am battling myself psychologically and emotionally. When I look in the mirror I can hear the things that was said to me when i was younger, the verbal abuse, the hatred and the name calling.  I wasn't given a chance to construct my own reality and that is why I am having a difficult time now. I cannot break free of what I was manipulated into thinking no matter what people say.  I wanna be healthy and happy. I myself don't know what weight I am comfortable at, and I don't know if I ever will. As I said this is really personal, however it is something I am recently struggling with and thinking about. With that said my question is, can people construct reality for you and if so how can you start to construct your own reality and morals?